Tiffany Reves, MA, LPC

Turn on any news program today, and it won’t take long to hear another heartbreaking story about cyberbullying and its tragic consequences.  With unrestrained access to texting, cell phones, and social networking sites, bullying is no longer limited to the playground or the school hallways.   While this alarming trend has increased in parents a fear of the cyber world, it is important to note that research shows that with proper information and execution, this cycle can be minimized.    Equipped with information and a few simple tools, parents can prepare themselves for the role that technology plays in their child’s life, helping to curtail the growth of this detrimental epidemic and its harmful impact on their children. 

            Cyberbullying is defined by the Cyberbullying Research Center as “when someone repeatedly harasses, mistreats, or makes fun of another person online or while using cell phones or other electronic devices.”  In their February 2010 survey of 4000 students, ages 12 -18, the Research Center found that 20% of students report experiencing cyberbullying on a regular basis, with rumors and disparaging comments being the most commonly identified forms.  Even more disturbing, in a study on cyberbullying and suicide, researchers found that cyberbullying victims were twice as likely to attempt suicide as those individuals experiencing other forms of bullying.

            Recent news reports describe one horrific story about Alexis Pilkington, 17, a West Islip soccer star, who committed suicide in March 2010, following vicious bullying on a popular social networking site, which continued after her death, adding to the grief her family and friends were experiencing.  Formspring.me, the site where the bullying took place, advertises to be a place where youth can “ask questions, give answers, and learn more about your friends.”  The danger with this site and many others is that these question and answer sessions can be done anonymously which creates a greater outlet for bullying as kids can make any statement without the risk of being identified.  Alexis’ death is a costly example of the role that cyberbullying plays in the lives of our youth.  It also exemplifies how wide open the door is for youth to communicate with complete insensitivity and without consequence.

            While this epidemic seems to be spiraling out of control, there are a number of precautions that parents can take.  It is important to educate children on using the Internet and social networking sites.  Kids need a clear understanding that nothing posted on the Internet is truly “private.”  Teens must learn to appreciate and utilize discretion in posting pictures and comments.  It is important to help kids understand that comments made through email, text, or over the internet are not the same as in person communication and may be misunderstood.  Young people also need to understand that compromising pictures taken by friends can end up on the Internet or sent via text message.  These are opportunities for parents to discuss with and teach their children about the balance between desired community and privacy and about good communication skills.

            Parents should be willing to discuss dangers with their kids, helping them understand that predators are on the Internet.  Discuss how to stay protected by avoiding strangers and personal discussions and never giving out personal information.  Implement safeguards, such as parental controls and filters and parental monitoring of texts and social networking sites.  Parents should engage in this process not as a time when they have to fight with their kids, but as an opportunity to show their loved ones they are fighting for them. 

 Education, awareness, and safe practices, both on the part of kids and teens and their parents, can provide peace of mind and safety for the entire family. Eric Schmidt, CEO of Google, put it best when he said, “The Internet is the first thing that humanity has built that humanity doesn't understand.”    It is important for parents to have their own understanding of the Internet and social technology, so that they can guide their kids in its proper use and place in life.  Parents must recognize that social networking and technology are a vital part of an adolescent’s world and should not be completely disregarded.  A few simple steps and open communication with teens will significantly decrease the risk of the dangers associated with today’s communication.  For more information visit the Cyberbullying Research Center at http://www.cyberbullying.us/index.php. 

SIGNS YOUR TEEN MAY NEED HELP

Often, in my practice, I hear parents say “I never saw this coming,” or “we had no idea this was going on.” It is fair to say that we often get busy in our day to day lives and miss what is going on around us. Fortunately, for parents, by knowing the warning signs of destructive or depressed behavior, you can address concerns early on before they turn in to something more serious. Below I have listed a few warning signs to look for:

• Acting Out – changes in grades, changes in friends, quitting extracurricular activities, significant behavioral changes

• Withdrawn/Isolated – spending more time in room or away from friends and family

• Irritable – easily agitated or upset

• Fighting – increase in arguing with parents/siblings

• Depressed – changes in sleeping and eating patterns, sullen, lethargic, loss of interest in friends and activities

• Helpless – feelings and statements of hopelessness

• Anxious – statements or behavior reflecting fear, anxiety, nervousness

• Physical Symptoms – chronic pain not otherwise explained, constant aches or pains

• Lack of ability to function – difficulty in school, relationships, work

If you feel that your child suffers from any of these, don’t be afraid to find someone to talk to and someone for your child to talk to. It is a difficult world for young people today with the pressures of school, home, work, and peers coupled with the developmental changes they are going through in their mind, body, and emotions. Taking the step to talk with someone is not only a preventative measure but it also allows your child a safe place to deal with these factors before their behavior becomes harmful. For more information, do not hesitate to contact me by phone 972-841-8454 or email at tiffanyreves@gmail.com.